{ CLE }
In CLE and English, we were tasked to write a Personal Narrative on one event that we were comfortable sharing and that impacted us or that we liked. Personal Narratives are basically story telling, telling a raw and unfiltered story unlike narrating a book.
These are the CLE Devotionals, For 17 Days we were tasked to read and reflect on the span of those said days. All my devotionals can be found in this file.
{ Personal Narrative }
‘Baboy.’ I think most of you know what this word means. But to those who don't, it means ‘Pig’ in tagalog. The word seems very innocent, right? Nothing about it seems offensive. But in my life, that surely proved me wrong. As a beautiful plus sized person, the world sees me differently just because I’m a few pounds heavier than others. But I believe that we are beautiful no matter what, even if this world wasn’t built for the people that are a little bigger, we need to let them know that we are here and here to stay.
As a kid, I was worry free! I was around 7 years old, still rocking that weird bob and enjoying my life because no one was judging me on any basis. But recalling back to the first time that I was called ‘baboy’, I was just young and eating the food that made me happy. It was around afternoon as I was sitting down on my bed. One of my family members went up to me, pinched me on my cheeks, and called me a ‘baboy’. I knew what the word meant, as I was of course born in a FilipinoHousehold, but I was so naive and so small that I thought that they meant it in a cute way. Because in my mind, all animals were cute when you were at that little age as you see the world with Rose-tinted glasses.
As the years went on however, I soon realized that the little word that I thought was innocent was being used in a derogatory way towards me. Ever since I was 7, I kept getting comments on my weight to the point I made it a point to be the funny one at school. It might’ve not looked like it, but even before I entered Brightwoods, I’ve always been so insecure zzzsde v h du. K. K bc cc’d yz of my weight. My family; the very ones who I thought would’ve had my back, are the very ones that kept feeding into my insecurities. My confidence slowly kept getting eaten at, as it felt like everyone only remembered me for being the “fatty mcfatson” of the batch. Everytime I looked around and then to myself, I’d always bully myself on why I was fat and not skinny. I’ve deluded myself at such a young age that no one would’ve loved me because I was just a few pounds heavier than the “ideal body”..
It got so bad to the point that when my family told me to eat less and less, I fell into the pressure. There were so many days where I starved myself to make myself skinnier, thinking it was the only way. No one cared in my family except for grandma, who felt bad and made me eat out of worry. I do relapse from time to time, which made me develop some sort of bulimia because of it. But I do my best to get better everyday.
Just look at me now, I am so much happier! Yes, there are still times where I doubt myself because of my weight, but I always push back those thoughts because I know my self worth. I’m not just a ‘baboy’, I’m beautiful the way I am. All of you are too, and don’t let people delude you into thinking otherwise.
{ Video Performance}
{ CLE Prayer}
Dear God,
Thank You for leading me all throughout life even through the toughest and the thinnest. It may be weird that I am already getting deep, but I genuinely want to thank You for never leaving my side when life got hard, or when I even got hard on myself. But I should have never expected You to leave by my side, because I know that You would never leave one of your creations to fend for themselves. You are quite literally the perfect Best Friend that everyone would want. You are fearless, forgiving, loving, willing, and all in all You are an amazing Being that I might not see, but I know that you are one Being that has been bringing the Joy in my life even if it seemed like there was no joy to be seen in the moment. But recently, I have been critical to my body once more because I have gotten conscious of it a little more as school started. I have fought back all my urges to starve myself again because I know it is not healthy for me, there are times were the voices in my head would tell me to do it but I fight those voices, because I know it would cause more harm than good if I deprive myself from the nutrients that my body needs.But what I think has been helping me make it through and fight those thoughts of relapsing on starving myself, is You God. For that, I sincerely thank You. From past experiences of starvation, I did not feel good at all in those days, I was lightheaded and felt like passing out every time I stood up. But also one woman made me realize that this wasn’t healthy for me and that I could possibly bring myself to the hospital if I continue doing this, and that woman is my grandma, I want to thank You to for blessing my life with one of the strongest, kindest, wittiest, smartest, and loving grandma I could ever know. She has gone through it ALL, volcanoes exploding, flooding, and yet she is still here and she is still guiding me throughout my life and my studies. I REALLY thank both of You for saving me from potentially worsening my health just because I wanted to change the way I look, because of You and the gift that is my grandma, I understood that my own well-being was not worth sacrificing just because my family members were telling me that I was fat and that I should lose weight. One more thing, I also want to thank You for pushing back all those negative thoughts about myself, yes it may be hard to push them out from time to time. But I know that the fighting spirit inside my body, that tells me to not do so, is You God. So I just want to thank You for keeping me from relapsing, and pushing myself down for my body. For now, I really can not ask for more from You because you have given me most of the blessings that a Grade 10 Student can ask for. I just wish that You continue to lead me throughout this school year and throughout this year in general. Thank You for everything God.
In Jesus Name We Pray, Amen.